I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
