Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
