That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
