i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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