Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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