And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
