Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
