walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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