I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
