I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
