my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
