is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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