Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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