it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What a dumb baby whore.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
