i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
