so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize