I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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