she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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