we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
