I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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