And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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