i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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