filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
