Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
