Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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