I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
