I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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