Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
