tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
