So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
