Where is the hickey?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
