I got chris browned last night
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
