That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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