i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
