he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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