And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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