Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
