i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
