The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize