So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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