FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
