Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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