I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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