I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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