I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
