I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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