The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
