I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
