he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
