Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
