I wish you could order shots online.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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