her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
