I'm going to jail i love you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
