i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
