In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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