Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
