There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
