i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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