I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
