o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
