they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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