people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
