he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
sex in a hospital.. check
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
